Army Of Two Many Problems?

Well I had ORIGINALLY planned to go ahead and do a full review on spider-man 3, with audio by me. I spent six hours playing that game. Six GOD-DAMNED hours of my life I will NEVER get back, and I recorded it all. I was right and ready to rip that game a whole new ass. But unfortunatly because the tape I used happened to be a piece of SHIT, it came out almost impossible to identify. So for the time being, i'v put that game on hold.

On to the game I had waited FOREVER to get, and missed school just so I could get it early. It's Army Of Two. I thought this game was going to change my life, because from everything I saw on it, it couldn't disappoint. And for the most part, it didn't. Overall the game had an amazing idea planned into it, but there are still some nit picking I can do on it.

This game basically centers around team work. In the single player campainge you go around as Salem and Rios, two PMC (Private military contractors) who basically are better then the army and everyone else. They get there jobs, do it, and get alot of money for it. The game was entertaining, fun and always kept you wanting to play, especially since there were an infinite number of fucking AI who just so happen to friggen run out of places you were just at. The single player game was about six hours long on medium, and was pretty fun.

Now I know I like to do reviews about the online, but the single player in this game is BAD ASS! It sucks it was so short, BUT it was sweet. Salem and Rios basically go through the game only to earn money, and it turns out to be an entire conspiracy where they were framed for the assassination of president Eisenhower. They're personalities are opposite of eachother. Salem is a smaller and younger man who's there do get the job done and get paid. Rios on the other hand is an older man, bigger who's got a bad feeling about the shit going on with their contracts. The game involves ALOT of two man tactics, and not just like "help me get up here" but more like, "you better start shooting or my ass is gonna be bootin' it the hell outta here". Because if only one person is doing all the shooting.. your aggro goes up, and you become a glowing target that says "TBAG ME". If you don't know what aggro is, it's a neat little thing that lets you know how much of the enemies attention each person has. If you have the aggro on you, your character glows red, and then that mean's your partner has no aggro, so he starts to look a bit transparent. The cool thing about the single player if you get to buy and upgrade your weapons. Now this goes a bit beyond the regular "add a scope and silencer to your weapon". In this game, you can increase clip size, accuracy, silencers, and even shields on your guns! There is one cool little thing I enjoy, and it's called "appearance". Now there is only one appearance, and guess what its called?

PIMP!

IT'S CALLED PIMP! It actually makes your guns all gold, silver and bronze and they all look different! Some have diamonds too. It's fucking SWEET! Like it's so amazingly unaccurate to have this in there, but it's just so awesome! All in all i'd rate the single player 9 out of 10. If it was longer, i'd definatly give it 10 out of 10.

For the online play, it's pretty unique from whats out there. Like the fact there are actually AI ONLINE! That's pretty bad ass, especially when the AI are so good they kill you most of the time. So online, it's two-on-two, and both teams compete to complete the objectives that pop up on the map. Each time a team completes an objective, they earn cash, and at the end, the team with the most cash wins. Another unique aspect is you have to BUY your weapons while in the game, so however much you spend on weapons, comes out of your cash, thus subtracting from your teams total cash. There are assassination objectives, destruction objectives, protection objectives, and escort objectives. There are also things in the map you can find which give your team cash. Killing the AI as well as the other team also rewards you with cash.

Another cool thing is an online campainge where you play through the campainge with another person online, instead of the AI you'd normally get.

Once I got to the online, this is where I started to notice problems. The online cosists of 4 players, teams of two-on-two, and then the map is RIDDLED with AI who constantly fuck you up. Now for the first problem. You know the thing in the world that pisses you off the most? Like, you could with full honestly say it's the worst thing ever and you'd do anyhting for it to change or be gone? Well this is it for me. The MOVEMENT of the online play BLOWS! I will later upload a video of me (with clothes on) T-BAGGING THE GAME! Like god damn! The delay between moving and aiming, from when you hit the analog to when you actually move SUCKS. If your aiming sensitivity is on high, you'll never beable to focus on the bloody target. You'll move to aim, go past it, and do the same thing back and forth. If it's on medium is does pretty much the same thing. NOW, if it's on LOW, it will take you like 5 god damn minutes to turn around in a fucking circle. This shit is HORRIBLE!

The next thing is the guns! There are some Ridiculous fucking weapons in this game. There is actually a GATTLING GUN ONLINE. Now I know what your thinking. "Gattling gun? woah thats bad ass!!", but no. If you managed to actually fucking hit someone with that shit, it would be badass. But that isn't possible. The most ridiculous gun though, is most of the sniper rifles, which are one hit kills! But see, your thinking "well thats not to bad, you still have to aim and sniping can be hard.". But no. You ever played a game where you got an AMAZING weapon, but it was harder to use? Well not in this case. You can run around WITH a sniper, not zoom in and shoot in a STRAIGHT line each and every time. And it STILL kills you with one hit. Also, I musn't forget to mention the fucking ROCKET LAUNCHER which kills EVERYTHING INSTANTLY thats within 50 FEET OF IT. Not to mention, the AI don't miss when they shoot.

Another thing, that really pisses me off, is the god damn way the game actually WORKS. You find a room, your all happy n shit, your playing. Then one person leaves. You say "well that aint to bad, right? I mean, you can still play and try to win by yourself". But you really Cant, due to the fact if ANYONE fucking leaves, the game ends INSTANTLY! Now not only are hosts in call of duty 4 bad people. EVERYONE on Army Of Two are bad people! If you actually MANAGE to finish a game online, i'd be fucking amazed.

Other then these small problems, the game is good. I think the best thing would of been if they made it two man teams, but put maybe.. 4 teams in and take out the AI. But thats just my opinion. I'd have to give the online 6.5 out of 10 just because the movement blows pube infested balls!

Hopefully I can soon revideo my spiderman 3 gameplay and have a new review up for you guys. Take care, until next I post!